My Garden ~ a Kiwi's take on life

Life is a lot like a garden

Can There be Compromise on a Reality Show?




Last night, life sank to new low. High evening temperature and humidity rendered us inert, too lethargic to think. TV remote in hand, Himself flicked through the viewing options until even that became too much of a chore and stopped at Channel 3. We were even too sluggish to turn to Netflix. And there we stayed, staring at the reality show, Married at First Sight Australia.

I do understand in this day and age why people might turn to Tinder and other dating apps in the hope of meeting a soul mate. But words fail me as to why people might enter such an unreal TV show.  “I’m looking for love,” we were told. Really. On this show? We heard participants say what they expected of a partner. Does falling in love involve ticking a checklist now? Couple mismatches seem designed to generate drama and TV show ratings if the meaningless dialogue and vulgar on-screen behaviour are anything to go by. It seems all so scripted and edited.

One camera shot showed a couple grocery shopping with her perched on the front of a supermarket trolley being wheeled by him. Get real. Did they not hear the store’s public safety announcements about safe trolley use? Buckle up. Use that child seat restraint. For goodness sake, set a safety example to the other kids in the store. The tedious dialogue and vulgar behaviour is so edited that misunderstandings happen. Stupefied, we watched on, forgetting that the Off-button was our best viewing option.

But MAFS participants acting out and acting up probably want their own 15-minutes of media fame or Instagram likes.  Himself could not get it that men would want to sit and endlessly talk about emotions or whatever. Their days seem tedious, lacking everyday things to do. Not a man-cave in sight. There are cute mid-shots of a MAFS husband cooking a romantic meal which his MAFS wife eats with one eye surreptitiously fixed on a text from a guy who stated at the commitment ceremony, that he wanted to leave his marriage. A melodramatic moment. Will they have an affair?  Who will get hurt? Meanwhile, who is doing the household chores? Who cleans the toilet?  This is real.  This is the nitty gritty small stuff of daily married life. No wonder MAFS couples want to unmarry after first sight.

Seriously, after fifty years of marriage, Himself and I know it is hard to give and take. There are no quick answers. Just do not not let the sun set on an argument. Words spoken at our own wedding service still ring true and included this timeless advice:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no account of wrongs.

‘We’ comes before ‘I’ in wedding. It is all about ‘Us’. Each couple must find their own way to work together, to listen with an open mind, receptive to what their partner is telling them, to be willing to meet them half-way. As one MAFS wife said, “marriage is about compromise.”

Author: Jenny

My garden is where I lose myself, or as Himself likes to tell others, I lose either my coffee mug or wine glass. Well at least I put them on a gatepost so they are easily found. As I see it, we are here on this place to respect and to preserve nature, not to develop the land. I love how the totara trees stand in silent witness to our human activity. They keep me honest. I love to wander along the stream bank. I like being able to grow fruit and vegetables. I enjoy green open space. My son challenged me to write a blog using my garden diaries to start. Writing a blog is quite different to my diary scribblings. It is for a different audience. In every post, I have to make a conscious effort to get free of an academic style of writing. I write about things I know and do in my everyday life. I am not a photographer but the images I use are taken by me. I believe this adds veracity to my voice in each post. Learning to setup and to manage a blog has been a major effort and remains a work in progress. Who knows where this will lead. Himself and I thought we had retired, about to define this older phase of our life together. But family commitments continue. As it happens, I share this place with Himself, son and grandsons and living creatures who live charmed existences. I watch on as they serve as actors weaving their ways across the stage of daily life. Shakespeare wrote in As You Like It: All the world’s a stage, And all the men and women merely players; They have their exits and their entrances; Always, there's something to write about life lived as I know it.

2 thoughts on “Can There be Compromise on a Reality Show?

  1. Love your words of wisdon…and your blog…. Because I enjoy your blog, I have nominated you for The Versatile Blogger Award.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s